Fairest by Meredith Talusan
File under: Dandelions growing through Cement
If I were to believe the toxic lies about transgender identities spewing from the cisgender media, I may think that transness is contagious. But I’m transgender myself, and I know first-hand that affirming a transgender identity in a world that overwhelmingly centers cisgender experiences requires an inordinate quantity of energy, courage, and conviction. Living as your true, transgender self is not a fleeting trend or a casual decision. Transitioning, whether socially or medically (or both), demands Herculean effort. It involves navigating complex systems and communicating personal truths in ways that anyone whose life did not actually depend on it may not be able to fathom. You gotta want this shit pretty bad. Or need it.
Yet, the mainstream narrative, shaped largely by those who are not trans, tries to convince otherwise. These stories paint trans identities as being driven by some fleeting whim or worse: pathology. But the truth is every perfectly-naturally-occuring transgender journey is marked by profound internal struggle, immense sacrifice, and a continuous fight against the prevailing winds of cisnormativity. Cisgender people, no matter how well-intentioned, have no way to fully comprehend this experience.
In a time when trans people face political erasure and more, it is vital that trans people speak for themselves and are heard. Fairest, by Meredith Talusan, is a critical and necessary contribution to this conversation.
Meredith Talusan tells us what it is like to have pretty much never been seen as who you are. As an albino Filipino boy, she inhabited a body that required a double-click that too many social interactions won’t feature. She cultivated the skills to endure the predictable othering that occurred along this path that also offered her a privilege: powerful forces that functioned to keep her true expression at bay. No matter where a trans person finds themself on the social-economic spectrum, publicly affirming our transness comes at a cost.
Meredith pulls the curtain back on all those nos we have to say before we find our yesses. She reveals the nuances in the decisions we all make to meet our needs for belonging to ourselves and others. She spotlights the profound courage it takes to choose an identity that does not fit societal expectations.
Spoiler alert! So tender is Talusan’s surrender of a found-at-last true love. The so-called "gay-to-trans pipeline" is not the result of confusion or self-doubt among trans people, but rather a product of how misunderstood and vilified trans identities remain. The journey of self-discovery and the articulation of our truths requires time, effort, and patience to uncover the language and symbols we need to fully express our non-conforming, liberated selves. Stepping into the unknown to affirm our felt sense of who we are and risking becoming someone our closest loves no longer recognize or understand is terrifying. Meredith’s sacrifices reflect the universal struggles of all trans people. We give up much because we can no longer live for anyone but ourselves. This is not a trend. It’s the force of life demanding to be lived fully and authentically.
